Suffocation
by Termony Rairos
Summary: The suffocating sadness. Shinn x Luna


..Previously Written Story Upload..

Title: **Suffocation**  
Category: Anime/Manga » Gundam Seed  
Author: Termony  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: T  
Genre: Angst/Romance  
Published: 08-25-11, Updated: 08-25-11  
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,480

 **Chapter 1: Chapter 1**

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Gundam SEED or Gundam SEED Destiny

Insert song: You Resemble Me

 **Suffocation**

 _"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_

 _I still remembered my scream. There was no greater pain than that._

 _That moment, I could not have done anything else, for I lost my breath for words._

 _I was suffocated._

-oOo-

 _Your appearance resembles mine,_

 _As your silent cries echo within your heart._

-oOo-

"Shinn?" called out Luna.

"Yeah?" I replied, pulling myself from recalling my memories.

We were at the coffee shop close to both of our houses. Luna and I were discussing about Athrun and Meyrin, who were now a couple.

"What's up with you? You're daydreaming again."

"Sorry," I apologized, feeling a little remorse. "You were saying?"

"Well, Meyrin and Athrun will be coming to PLANT shortly, to pay a visit to our parents' grave," she paused for a second. "Can you believe it? They got together so fast..."

"Luna..."

"Yes?"

"Are you jealous?"

She frowned. "What sort of question is that!"

"I'm only kidding." I reached my hands to grab hers. "So what do you have in mind?"

"Well...I was thinking maybe we should introduce Athrun to our relatives...but don't you think it's a little too early?"

"Yeah," I replied. I had just been introduced to their relatives. They were a little too...protective, especially since Luna's parents were dead. "Don't you think you're thinking too much? Athrun's from PLANT, after all."

"Hm...you're right. I guess I'm just overprotective of my little sister..."

 _Yeah, I know. It runs in the family._

-oOo-

 _They say ignorance is bliss,_

 _But I don't think I'll be content with it._

 _Even on those nights stretched out across emptiness,_

 _I only want to live in the present chosen by me, that's all._

-oOo-

 _In the depth of darkness, I heard a familiar voice calling to me._

 _"Onii-chan."_

 _"Mayu?" I opened my eyes, and saw my little sister. Her body glittered, just like Stellar, but she wore her usual brown jacket and dark red skirt. "Why are you here? Shouldn't you have moved on?"_

 _She smiled. "Because I know that onii-chan is in pain."_

 _"Pain...Don't worry. I'm used to it."_

 _"But that's not how I want onii-chan to feel."_

 _"Mayu..."_

 _"I want onii-chan to be happy."_

 _"Happy...? Mayu, happiness is a mirage," I said. "Only children and stupid people feel it."_

 _"Onii-chan..." She looked at me with disappointment._

 _"Shinn," a voice came out of nowhere called me._

 _"Luna?"_

-oOo-

 _Your speed resembles mine._

 _In the skies where brakes no longer work,_

 _Will I really be alright as long as I persist?_

 _The two of us can end this if we try._

-oOo-

"Shinn, wake up."

I felt a push on my left shoulder.

"...Luna?" I half opened my eyes and saw the magenta haired girl looking at me.

"Shinn, you fell asleep again..." she frowned. "We're suppose to meet Vino and Yolant."

"Yeah...sorry."

"That's ok. It's not the time yet. I'm just surprised that you fell asleep."

"Luna..." I looked down onto my hands, which were holding Mayu's cell phone.

My back ached a little, feeling the pain in my muscles due to the awkward position I was in while sleeping on the dining room chair.

"Yes?" said Luna cheerfully as she opened the refrigerator door and took out a bottle of milk.

"I dreamt about Mayu."

She closed the refrigerator door and looked at me. She was concerned. She put the bottle of milk onto the table.

"Don't worry," I smiled. "It's nothing. It's just that it got me thinking... Would you also be like me if Meyrin weren't saved?"

"I-"

I interrupted her. "In pain, probably."

"Shinn-"

I interrupted her again. "Life is so... uncertain. Before, I thought war was the only threat to happiness. Now, I realized that perhaps that's not the case, so what really is the case? I dare people say that they know. I... want to know. I want to know what is true happiness. I want to know that it's not a mirage. Like Stellar, every moment she had for herself, she was happy because she was so passionate about living. Like me, I was happy that I protected Minerva; I'm so happy that you're with me. I'm happy...but then when I get reminded of Mayu and Mum and Dad, I get sad. With the varieties of emotions, I come to ask myself: what truly are these emotions? Do I just think I feel them when in fact they're non-existent? I want to know. Luna, I want to know."

Once again, I felt the suffocation.

This time, she stayed silent. She pulled herself forward and hugged me.

Later, I spoke, "Am I an asshole?"

She smiled. "Not at all. Just a jerk."

"Thanks. That makes me feel so much better."

"Let's go now," she said. "It's about time."

"Yeah," I replied.

-oOo-

 _I'll stick to the difficult path no matter what,_

 _Without even brushing my shoes covered with sand._

 _I can't live in any other ways._

 _You would probably agree with a smile._

-oOo-

"Athrun, Meyrin, welcome back!" Luna said as we approached the couple we had been waiting for.

"Hey," I said to my once colleagues.

He chuckled. "Hey, Shinn."

His companion laughed a little. "Hello, Shinn."

"Let's go. Kira and Lacus are waiting for you two," I said. Since Lacus was a public figure, we thought it would be better if she had waited at her mansion.

"OK."

As I lifted a bag from Meyrin's hand, we walked towards the parking lot.

I said, "You two better not be making out at the welcoming party."

"SHINN!"

That was all I heard, along with the chuckles.

-oOo-

 _I will make a promise to you._

 _When you turn your sight and fly towards me someday,_

 _I won't escape from your vision._

 _I'll definitely receive you better than anyone else._

-oOo-

"Shinn," I heard a voice calling my name.

At the balcony of the Clyne mansion, I looked at the garden, which now was quietly waiting for daylight to shine again.

"What's up, Athrun?"

He chuckled again.

"You sure chuckle a lot nowadays," I pointed out.

"Yeah, I never realized that I could be this happy," he said, as he leaned on the balcony fence like me.

"What is happiness?" I asked him. However, I did not expect an answer. I looked at my hands.

"Happiness…is enjoying every breath you take."

"Really? Then, I wonder why do I feel such suffocation."

"Because you're unhappy," he said. "Because you are still holding onto the past and cannot let go…I was like that, too. But with a change of perspective, anything can be a trigger of happiness."

"Athrun…"

"Yes?"

"You sound like an old man."

To my surprise, he laughed.

"What's wrong with that?" he asked.

"Nothing," I replied.

"My suggestion is that don't forget what makes you happy, and hold on to it."

"Hold on to my happiness…?"

"Yep."

I smiled. "Anyone can say that, but that's good advice. It's so basic that I've forgotten it, though. It's not easy, but I guess I'll try."

He nodded.

Just then, Luna came.

"Time for cake!" she said.

"…I still want to be here for a while," I responded.

"Shinn…" Luna looked at me.

"Well, I'll go in now," Athrun said. "I'll leave him to you."

Luna nodded. Then, she came to me.

"Luna," I spoke.

"Yes?"

"I think I've found the solution to my problem."

"What is it?"

"I'll hold onto you, never letting go. Because…you know what? You're my happiness. You always relieve me when I'm losing breath. Because of you, I don't suffocate. Even if happiness is a mirage, even if it were a lie, I'll gladly hold onto it, because to me, you're everything."

-oOo-

 _Your appearance resembles mine._

 _Knowing that you are there and looking at the same world as me,_

 _I am able to not lose heart even till the end,_

 _And know that I don't have to hate myself._

 _You gave me the will to live again._

* * *

A/N: The translation of the song, _You Resemble Me_ , is done by DarkMirage( so if you want more of translated songs, google the name). It's such a coincidence that Shinn thinks that happiness is a mirage. (It honestly is.) I like writing these sorts of stories. It helps me to understand the characters better. Now that you've read this far, please review~ ^^ Much is appreciated!

A/N after many years...: I had the idea of uploading some of my previously written work. To be honest, I quite like this story. Looking back in writing this story, I really felt a suffocation.


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